Talking Stage

The talking stage is the early phase in which two people text or call, flirt and see whether they want to take things further. It sits between the first contact and an official relationship. There is no label, no promise of exclusivity and often no clear plan.

In the talking stage people usually message a lot, may have a first date or two, and might still be talking to others at the same time. How long it lasts varies widely. It can be a few days or a few months.

Signs you’re in one

• You message daily or often, but have met rarely, or only once.
• Nobody has said “exclusive” or “boyfriend/girlfriend”.
• You don’t know if the other person is also talking to someone else.
• You’re getting to know each other: interests, work, humour, plans.

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Example

You: I enjoy talking to you. Want to meet for coffee this weekend?

Her: I’d like that. Saturday afternoon?

A good talking stage moves from messages to a real meeting quickly.

Making it work

• Meet early. Text chemistry and real-life chemistry are different. Aim for a first date within a week or two. Our guide on what to talk about on a first date helps.
• Be open about your interest. You don’t need an ultimatum, but a clear “I’d like to see where this goes” works better than guessing.
• Don’t confuse volume with depth. Many messages feel close but say little.
• Set a quiet checkpoint. After a handful of dates, talk about what you each want. This is the point where exclusivity and labels come up.

When it goes wrong

A talking stage that never ends in a date can turn into breadcrumbing or a situationship. If one person wants more, say so. If the answer is vague for weeks, treat that as an answer.

For the first message that starts a talking stage, see our Tinder openers and Tinder pick-up lines.