Cold Reading

Cold reading is a way of making statements about a person that seem highly personal but are in fact general or based on clues you can see. Stage mentalists, fortune tellers and psychics use it, and the pickup community adopted it as a playful way to start a conversation: the man “reads” a woman’s palm, handwriting or personality and she feels understood.

How it works

Three things do most of the work:

• Broad statements that fit most people. For example, “You can be very outgoing, but sometimes you need time to yourself.” Almost anyone agrees; psychologists call this effect the Barnum or Forer effect.
• Observation. Clothes, jewellery, posture, accent and the way someone laughs all give hints.
• Her feedback. Her reactions tell you which guesses to keep and which to drop, and people tend to remember the hits and forget the misses.

In dating it works because people enjoy talking about themselves and enjoy being noticed. The reading is simply a game that makes her talk.

Example

You: “Give me your hand. I’m no expert, but you look like someone who plans everything and then does the opposite.” Her: “Ha, how did you know?” You: “Lucky guess. Tell me about the last time.”

Ready-made versions exist as openers and routines, such as Palm Reading, Eyes Reading and the Ring Finger Routine. They are a good example of canned material.

Be honest about it

Cold reading is a performance trick, not psychic ability and not psychology. Present it as a game, keep it light and positive, and say so if she asks whether you can really do it. Do not use “readings” to scare someone, to guess private problems or to pretend special powers, which is manipulative and can hurt. If it makes her curious, laugh with her and move on to a real conversation; the reading is only the door, not the room.