Flake

A 'flake' is the term given to a girl who does not get back in touch with you after either the initial meeting or an exchange of messages.

Most often this will happen over text – you get her number and she neither replies to your text messages nor does she answer your phone calls. Sometimes a girl will text back and forth a few times over a few days but eventually the messages dry up and she 'flakes'. Just because the girl responded to your initial few texts, doesn't necessarily mean the number is solid and will lead to a date.

Another way that a girl might flake is by not turning up to meet you at a prearranged time - although this is not so common. The vast majority of girls will have flaked long before you have attempted to set up a date. A girl will most likely have made up her mind about whether she wants to see you again before you initiate contact after taking her number.

Example

On Tuesday you get her number and she writes: "Sure, let's meet Saturday!" On Saturday afternoon you send "Still on for tonight?" and get no reply. That evening she is gone. That is a flake.

What to do

• Plan soon after meeting, within a few days, and keep the plan short and specific, such as a coffee for an hour.
• Do not build up the plan with long text chats. Rapport grows faster in person.
• Send one light reminder the day before. If you get no answer, one friendly follow-up is enough.
• After that, let it go. Angry or guilt-trip messages never help and can feel threatening.
• Do not take it personally. People also cancel because they are busy, nervous or have changed their mind.

Common mistakes

Flakes usually come from a weak first contact, so take the interaction itself seriously: build buying temperature and rapport, and where possible make an instant date instead of just a number close. Also remember that flaking goes both ways: if you cancel, say so early and politely.

No more Flakes - How to avoid Flaking