Low Self-Esteem

Low Self-Esteem is the exact opposite of high self-esteem, and is where the man will have negative thoughts and feelings about himself. He will generally be uncomfortable and discontent in his own skin for any number of possible reasons.

Someone with low self-esteem will typically be quite concerned with what other people think about them. This will be worsened by probable feelings of resentment about a certain aspect of themselves – often their physical appearance. Someone with low self-esteem will often think of themselves as not being attractive enough physically to attract good looking females and this will dent their confidence quite severely.

A guy with low self-esteem will likely be quite intimidated by girls in general, but especially those that he considers to be very attractive. When he finds himself in a situation or interaction with a girl, he'll likely display quite nervous or supplicating behaviours towards the girl, and have little confidence when it comes to escalating or closing. They'll also find it hard to express themselves freely, as they'll likely feel as though the other person doesn't really care what they have to say.

Example

A man sees a woman he likes at a bookshop. He rehearses a line for ten minutes, then finally says: "Sorry to bother you, you're probably busy, it's stupid, but..." The apology tells her he expects to be rejected. Compare: "Hi, I saw you picking up that novel and wanted to say hello."

What to do

• Notice your inner critic and write down the thoughts. Often they sound far harsher than anything you would say to a friend.
• Build small habits that make you feel good: exercise, sleep, grooming and a hobby you are proud of.
• Practise low-pressure conversation with cashiers, neighbours and colleagues. See approach anxiety.
• Keep a list of what went well, not only what went wrong.

Where it does not apply

Everybody has doubts sometimes, and low self-esteem is a feeling that can change, not a verdict. If it is constant or comes with low mood, talking to a doctor or therapist is a better step than any technique. The opposite is high self-esteem; low self-esteem often shows up as neediness. See also How to improve your attractiveness and mindset.