I recently got this interesting question from a reader and I’m sure many guys have faced a situation where the girl is better in controlling her emotions than themselves. That’s why I wrote articles like How to be less sensible man and why you need to control your emotions. This time it’s about the situation when you want a relationship but the girl wants to keep it casual:
I started dating this girl, the sexual connection was awesome. The problem was, I wanted to change the only sex nature of the relation, into a normal relationship. It was like I was the girl and she was the boy. Kind of sucks but that is the truth. She was and is completely open for sex with me, she loves the way I do her. But, after sex, she just wants me to get lost. “until the next time”. I handle it great for a couple of months but man I have a sweet spot for this girl, I dont want to share her. I stopped having sex with her after a while and stopped all contact. But sometimes we talk and she stills crave my sex. And I think “can I change this?, can I get her into a relationship if I keep having sex with her?, Am I taking the “right” decision just leaving her behind? or am I playing the whole game wrongly? will be great to her your take on this one. (I asked him a few more questions which are not included here)
The sexual chemistry that your feeling is probably because she is hotter than most girls you are used to date. She keeps having sex with you but at the same time she acts ice cold, which makes you insecure. You are not used to this kind of behavior, she gives you a mixture of very good emotions followed by painful ones. This is similar principle like drugs work and it makes you addicted. You want only the good emotions, all the time. It’s clear to see that she is the price, because you need her much more than she needs you. All the time you spend thinking about her and how you can win her over makes your emotional investment even bigger.
Trust me buddy, she isn’t worth it. Even if you manage to get her into a relationship, you will be much better with another women. There are several reasons for this:
1. She’s a slut, which isn’t a bad thing itself, slut’s are great to have sex but you shouldn’t have a relationship with one.
2. She doesn’t want to have a relationship with you. All these excuses that she “is not in that stage” are just bullshit, if she has any feelings for you, she would try it.
3. She’s not proud of you, she uses you for sex but doesn’t want anyone to know about you.
4. She is less emotional than you. Some women are more emotionally some are more logically, however she seems to have some issues with her emotions, I guess her ex-husband is one reason this.
5. She’s a divorced 36 years old. Even if you are around 40, you can do much better than that.
Now, you got 3 Options!
1. Dump her
Superior men never chase a woman, in your case, if you cut the contact, she will be gone like the last time. That will be the healthiest and easiest way you can go.
2. Keep her
You are fooling yourself, make yourself clear that all you are feeling is attraction and not love and that she is definitely not what you want as a relationship. Completely destroy this idea and appreciate what you got: A Fuckbuddy with an awesome sexual chemistry.
My personal opinion
I wasn’t in the same situation, but I had similar ones where I feared to take the weaker position. The girls were so hot and uncontrollable that I was not sure if I could handle this emotionally. I was scared about losing this battle and receiving emotional pain, I was acting like a pussy and took the easy way out. Now years later I would do it differently and go the hard way. Because no pain, no gain…
3. Make her chase you
Alright, if you’re a fighter and you are deeply concerned about improving, this can be a big chance. It will be hard, painful and in the end you can still lose her, but no matter if you lose or win, you will learn a lot and become much stronger. Within the next days I’m going to publish an article how you can turn it around and make her want a relationship.