Oneitis

Oneitis is the term used to describe the suffering a man feels when he has developed an attachment to a particular girl who does not feel the same way back. Often, the man is in love with the girl – bordering on obsession – and simply cannot 'get over' her. This problem can take form from a couple of different ways. The two most common are; a) the has been in a relationship with a girl who has decided to end things with him, leaving him deeply upset and hung up on her, or b) the harbours strong feeling for a girl whom is beyond his reach, most often because he is stuck in the friend zone and secretly has strong feeling – sometimes even love – for her.

A guy who is suffering from oneitis will often say of the girl he is in love with things such as, “she's the one”, “I'll never find another girl like her”, and “she's different to all the other girls”. This is especially true if the man has had some form of close personal relationship with the girl, such as being in a long term relationship or being very close friends. From this, the man will often start over analysing the seemingly smallest of things, such as things she has said to him, things she says to others, things posted on social network sites and even the amount of time it takes between responses to an interaction over text message, for example. He'll also likely neglect to notice other girls or have any interest in meeting or interacting with other girls. This is partly due to his obsession with one girl, and partly because this obsession have led him to hold a particular girl in such high regards that other girls – in his mind at least – cannot possibly compete or compare.

When guys start displaying the symptoms of oneitis, they actually make their situations with the girl much worse. They will often become needy and obsessive, which are unattractive qualities. This is largely because they want something that they either can't have, or have had but have lost. Ultimately, this feelings are brought about through fear of never being able to achieve the same kind of success (if the oneitis has occurred after a break-up). The levels of comfort and reciprocated love that are present in a relationship can take time and feels great once achieved. It's entirely natural that once this is over, a man might feel as though he can never replicate this. This feeling comes from having a scarcity mentality whereby the man no longer has any options and feels stranded, stuck and clueless. Now how to get a girlfriend, “what will I do?” he might ask himself.

The only way to overcome these irrational and often dramatically overblown feelings toawrds one girl is to actively go out and meet other girls. This isn't to say that falling in love is a bad things – it's not, it is in fact a wonderful things – but the obsessive behaviour induced through the subsequent loss or unattainableness of a certain girl is most definitely a bad thing. By going out and interacting with other girls, a man can realise how much fun there is to be had whilst meeting new women. He'll also come to the realisation that, while his feelings for his ex-girlfriend for example, where in fact very real, that it is entirely possible to develop the same or similar (or stronger!) feelings for other girls. Often after a period of time, a guy will say to himself, “I can't believe I acted like that!”. Once he is over the girl, he will look back and realise how silly his obsessive behaviour really was. A man can be cured of oneitis once and for all if he accepts that any lingering or obsessive feelings, or any hurt from a broken down relationship, can be overcome. This mentality will corrode away at the fear that drives oneitis.

Once the man has started to develop more of a skill and mindset geared towards meeting many women, he will start to realise that his oneitis came largely through projecting unrealistic expectations and views of the girl he had fallen for. While she may indeed have been a great girl, he will realise that, relatively speaking, she was not much different from other girls. With more time, he will stop placing girls on a pedestal and viewing them as 'more special' or disproportionately amazing as when compared to any other attractive girl.