Neuro-Linguistic Programming

NLP is an approach to personal development and communication. It was created in the 1970s by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in California. The idea is that there is connection between the human neurology of the brain, language and behavioural patterns that are learned through experience. It is claimed that these things can be changed or altered to help achieve specific goals in life. NLP itself is a largely discredited pseudoscience, however, it is likely to achieve some positive results in participants through the placebo effect.

The breakdown of NLP is as thus: Our neurology is how we are hard-wired to perceive the world and respond during a given situation. The linguistic aspects refer to how language is developed and how certain language 'choices' can become ingrained into our everyday communications. The end result is that these factors are programmed into us as a series of patterns. This suggests that there is some flexibility, and that patterns can be re-learned and altered for the better, hence the interest and links between self-help, self-development and neuro-linguistic programming.

In pickup, NLP will often manifest by practitioners using certain verbal cues combined with different elements, such as the pacing of words, tonality, pitch and physical touch. Such techniques are also used by marketers, for example, with the idea being that such use will aid persuasiveness and interpersonal communications.

Example

One of the simplest NLP ideas is pacing: you notice that she speaks softly and slowly, and you match that tone and speed instead of talking loudly and fast. Most people simply call this good rapport. A well-known pickup name linked to NLP is Ross Jeffries and his "Speed Seduction".

How to use the useful part

• Listen first and adjust your pace and tone to hers, as you would with a friend.
• Be curious about the words she uses and answer in the same language.
• Treat big promises, such as "program her to want you", with scepticism. There is no solid evidence that NLP does this.
• Judge any course by whether its advice also works without the jargon.

Where it does not apply

Language patterns cannot replace real interest, and trying to steer someone around their own decisions is manipulation, which is both unreliable and unfair to her. Honest conversation, a clear mindset and simple canned material are safer starting points.