Things just aren’t working out with your girlfriend and you believe it’s time to make a clean break up. If only you could snap your fingers and viola, you are no longer together. But it’s not that easy and you find yourself uncomfortable, wondering how to break up with her? My advice: end it like a man.
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We all know that break-ups can be difficult. According to physcologytoday.com, Melanie Greenberg Ph.D. mentions in her article “The Neuroscience of Relationship Breakups” that “our brains appear to process relationship breakups similarly to physical pain”. You ending things badly can only worsen this pain. While some breakups are inevitable, it would do you and your soon to be ex-girlfriend much good if you’re considerate in how you go about breaking up with her. She might even call you the best breakup ever.
While we totally understand that you might want to avoid seeing her hurt or the drama and whatever negative reaction breaking up with her may bring, it’s best to do so in a manner that shows mutual respect. Ending relationships can be compassionate, thoughtful acts. Try to put yourself in that person’s shoes or ask yourself “would I want someone to break up with me like this?” Empathy is very important as remember she is just as human as you are.
Guidelines about breaking up:
1. Face to Face – It is the age of technology and with it comes many wow and not so wow factors. Too many people are changing their statuses from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘single’ on Facebook to indicate that the relationship is over without telling the person upfront that it is. Many are using impersonal, callous ways of saying it’s over – via texts, Instant messages, Instagram moments, email, etc. This was your ‘personal’ girl, if you respect and value her, it’s only right for you to see her and advise her that you’re ending the relationship. As long as she’s not psychotic or will physically harm you in any way or you’re in another country, it’s best to do it face to face.
2. Clarity and Honesty – The best way to give her closure is to be clear and honest about the reasons for ending the relationship. Present key elements of your truth so it is drawn out or hurts her more. It’s best to think it through thoroughly, write it down if necessary because if you are not clear on why it’s ending then she won’t be sure either. Avoid confusion or giving false hope, truth can be expressed kindly with being ambiguous. Don’t use ‘I need a break/need more time to think about us” unless it’s absolutely true. She’ll appreciate you being honest and clear (maybe not immediately) and might even learn from what you said.
3. Do it in a Timely Manner – There is hardly a ‘good time” to end a relationship. When you no longer want a relationship with this person, it’s best to state so. The longer you take, the more negative signals you’ll send. Your partner might pick these signals up and believe it to be something else such as cheating or you no longer caring for her, etc. This might hurt her even more when you finally do end things.
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4. Be Prepared for Her Reactions – She’ll feel distressed, anger, pain or confusion. Be empathetic or tolerant but firm and clear in your position. If you’re concerned for her safety, contact the appropriate help. Ascertain the situation to know how to show concern and care without confusing your partner that things have really ended.
5. No Comparison – If you’re leaving her to pursue another relationship, you can be clear without being cruel. It’s best not to use statements like “she’s better than you”, “she cooks for me” and so forth. You want to lessen the negative impact as much as possible for your ex-girlfriend.
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6. Take Responsibility – It takes two to make a relationship and in most cases, it takes two to damage it also. Try to express yourself in a way that speaks to the downfalls of both sides.
7. Be open to her questions – Though you might think you explained it clearly, she might still need a few points cleared up. I’m not talking about lengthy conversations that examine every minute of your relationship, but conclusive ones for both sides. Aim to communicate in a calm and respectful way and in a chosen environment that’s best for both of you.Be Diplomatic – You might have assets to divide. When doing so, be fair to your partner and yourself. You may need multiple follow up conversations to negotiate how to divide assets. If your ex-girlfriend doesn’t want to deal with you directly or it might further hurt the person to do so, advise that a trusted third party will be involved.
8. Be Diplomatic – You might have assets to divide. When doing so, be fair to your partner and yourself. You may need multiple follow up conversations to negotiate how to divide assets. If your ex-girlfriend doesn’t want to deal with you directly or it might further hurt the person to do so, find a third person to be involved.
9. No after-benefits – It’s best not to have any break-up sex as that might complicate things. Also, being friends with your ex immediately after the break-up might do both of you more harm than good. Hold-off on friendship if necessary so that you can both adjust and heal.
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End the relationship like the mature man you are. Treat this situation as if you would want someone to treat you or someone close to you. Break-ups are painful enough but if you approach in a respectful, considerate and mature way then you’ll lessen the negative impact on the individual. In the long run, She’ll appreciate and respect you for it and you’ll feel better for it.