Love vs In Love

Hey, I need your opinion on something real quick. My best friends girl broke up with him, when he asked for the reason, she told him that she loves him but she wasn't in love with him anymore. He asked me if I understand what she means but we can't figure out how you can love someone without being in love. What do you think is the difference?

Listen to her response... She will likely tell you that being in love means to have these butterflies and nervousness when the other one is around. Loving someone is more about the feeling of belonging together but can also be because of the comfort and that you are so used to each other.

Tell her that you now understand it better. Make the example that if you tell a buddy "I love you man" is similar to loving someone but telling him "I'm in love with you" would be totally different and inappropriate.

You can start a conversation or discussion after this about what is more important for a healthy relationship and that the feeling of being in love is something that will fade away sooner or later but loving someone is something that keeps two people together. The girl that broke up with your buddy was probably not mature enough to understand this and is just chasing the feeling of excitement.

When to use it

Use it in a calm moment on an evening out, in a café or a bar with seating, with one or two women after a few minutes of ordinary chat. It is too heavy as a cold opener on the street. Skip it if she has just gone through a breakup and clearly does not want to talk about it.

Follow-up

After you ask, give your own view in one sentence: "I think love is a decision and being in love is a feeling." If she opens up with a story, listen and ask what she learned from it. If she goes quiet, lighten the mood: "That got deep fast. Easier question: what's the best thing you've eaten this week?"

Why it works

Almost everybody has an opinion on relationships, and a story about a friend lets her speak freely without being asked about her own love life. It moves the conversation from small talk to values quickly. For more topics, see What topics to talk about with a girl.