(500) Days of Summer (2009)

Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) writes greeting cards and believes in true love. When Summer (Zooey Deschanel) starts working at his office, he is sure he has found it. The film jumps back and forth through the 500 days of their relationship, and the narrator warns from the start that this is not a love story.

What it shows about dating

Tom is a textbook case of oneitis: he fixes on one woman and builds a picture of her in his head. Summer tells him early and clearly that she doesn’t want a serious relationship, but he only hears what fits his story. The film replays the same moments from his side and from hers, and they look very different.

What you can learn

• Believe what she says. If she tells you what she wants, take it at face value instead of reading hope into small gestures.
• Don’t build a person from a few good moments. Tom loves his idea of Summer more than Summer.
• One person is not your whole life. Tom’s life narrows to her, and things improve only when he turns back to his own work and plans.

A useful companion to the wiki entries on neediness and abundance mentality.