In one of his (excellent) speeches at the under21 convention, James Marshall provides a short and entertaining story about how a student of his asked for advice on hiding his erection whilst dancing with a girl he was gaming. Marshall says that he told the man to press up against her. The student was apparently confused (wouldn’t that make her feel that it was there?), but realization soon dawned: she will feel it, and that’s what you want. This has to be one of my favorite stories from any seduction teacher, as it’s short and carries a powerful message about owning your sexuality. It has occurred to me however that this conflicts with another common theme in the community; the idea that you should not directly complement a girl or acknowledge your attraction to her. So which road do we take? How do we reconcile these two gems of wisdom?
Pickup (anything in life really) is about balancing. Everything is on a scale and you can have too much or too little of a good concept. Here you have to realize that both rules apply:
1. DO let the girl know that you are a sexual man
2. DON’T acknowledge your attraction to a girl too early, and
3. Be Sexual
From early on in the interaction you should let the girl know that you are comfortable with sex and desire it. A good pua will, without being creepy about it, express a clear interest in sex and demonstrate that he can be cool about it. You need to show the girl that sex is no big deal. If you get laid on a regular basis then you should know (unless you’re an addict) that sex is not big deal. Sure it feels awesome and you enjoy it but you don’t give a shit if you don’t get it from her. This is connected to the ideas of independence from outcome and social proof. In the twisting rabbit hole of social logic, being chilled about sex and mentioning it demonstrates that you get a lot of it and that you don’t need it.
The trick is to mention it IN A COOL WAY. “Hi I’m Debonair I really enjoy sex, which I receive regularly” will simply not do. The conversation needs to flow normally for a few minutes before you steer the conversation into gradually more sexual waters. Make offhand comments that start off as cheeky jokes (“You like painting? Your boyfriend clearly didn’t get you off.”), gradually move into discussing relationships lightheartedly (this is honestly the fucking gateway to sexual talk), and then drop into talk about first kisses, then how you had a girlfriend who was an AWFUL kisser, then how you like to be kissed, then how she likes it. Bam. If she isn’t engaging in this topic, you haven’t achieved sufficient attraction (or at least comfort).
To prepare for the conversational escalation, use your opening (sex free) few minutes to build up the idea that you’re a pretty awesome and trustable guy. Anyway after you’ve successfully scaled the ladder in to talking openly about sexual matters, keep it up. Talk about other topics but every now and then interrupt (“God she’s got a nice ass, do you see that?”), make jokes (“I feel like we are on a date, stop being clingy!”), and keep reminding her that you and sex are good friends. This lets the girl know that you aren’t one of these little awkward as fuck chumps that will hover for obvious reasons but never have the balls to try to make it happen. Establishing yourself in a sex-or-nothing frame means that the girl is forced to visualize you as a sexual partner, she may say yes or no to that image but that will only speed up the process. If she says no you act as though you don’t give a flying fuck (which you don’t), and then mosey on over to the next woman who tickles your fancy.
The caveat, which you already knew was coming, is that you have to maintain ambiguity towards the girl. Be sexual, but don’t you dare let slip that she is the focus of your energy. Although this is another topic, a really good way to build attraction is through ambiguity. Keeping the girl wondering if you like her, especially when she picks up on your sexual vibe (“He likes all these girls but he’s not hitting on me!”) is an excellent way to encourage her investment in your interactions. This investment will then cause her to backwards rationalize that she is attracted to you, a very powerful tool for any pua. As soon as you let her know that you are after her, the power dynamic changes hideously, and not to your benefit. Admitting your attraction turns the girl once again into the gatekeeper of her own sexuality, you are definitely in if she lets you, but should she let you? You must always strive to make yourself the girl’s prize in your interactions, and this is one of the easiest ways to do it.
The only exception to this is where you are pretty sure you’re in. Like I said above, pickup is about balance, and you have to balance your ambiguity with clarity, or else both you and the girl are going to leave the interaction partnerless and frustrated. Once you are certain that she is committed to chasing you (I find that dancing together is generally a good indicator) you can throw out a bit of positive reinforcement in the form of sexual energy directed at her (like the student’s erection). This will bypass any afc style courtship phase (“I like you, do you like me?”) and will throw her into sexually based decision making. At this point it’s pretty simple: you are in or you need to work on your attractiveness (barring the odd factor out of your control).
Go Out And Do This
This takes practice. You need to get used to telling when is the right moment to take another step up in the conversation, when to let her know you’re keen, and when to back off a little. The basic process can be summed up as:
Be generally sexual, gradually introduce more sexual conversation topics, and once you judge that she is sufficiently invested, you can begin to reveal your interest in her.
And just in case you are stuck for ideas on how to do this, try the following:
• Get the girl to wingwoman you as the night goes on. You know what the friendzone is? Well it exists for girls too, and it will build up a massive sense of competition for her (social proof motherfucker)
• Build a fair bit of attraction and then drop one of my favorites, the you-are-like-a-sister bomb. A variation on the wingwomaning idea, this one is EXCELLENT at determining if she’s hot for you. I have never used this line and not gotten with the chick I used it on. If she responds with something in the vein of “No! Don’t say that!” you can dial a taxi for two. Like I said, keep this one up your sleeve until you’re very sure that she wants you. Yeah this is doesn’t really demonstrate sexuality but it’s a ripper technique ok? Just use it.
• Bitch about an ex (real or imagined), but not in a desperate-to-show-off-my-sex-life way. This makes a good segway into more romantic pastures.
Actually in hindsight make it an imaginary complaint. That way you are less likely to hurt someone’s feelings by spreading intimate information around the chicks you bang.
Hopefully that clears that up.