The success of any relationship relies on the willingness of both parties involved to remain committed to each other no matter the obstacles that come their way. This commitment is especially required to make a long-distance relationship work. While some couples make it, others find themselves at a crossroads, especially when one is suspected of cheating.
If you are in an LDR or a long-distance relationship, it is important for you to know the signs of infidelity. It helps to protect yourself and not be blindsided should your worst fears about your significant other prove to be true. The points below are some of the things you should look out for.
Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship. Once problems arise in this area, there is a good chance that something is happening behind the scenes that is worth looking into. Perhaps they aren’t cheating and are just experiencing a personal crisis, but whatever the case may be, if you feel something’s changed, you should check it out for both your sakes. Below are communication red flags you should be wary of:
The way they communicate with you seems different. Hearing “I love you” from your partner is, of course, not a problem, but if they have been saying it far too frequently, you might be on to something. People who feel guilty often try to overcompensate by being kinder and sweeter to the person against whom they’ve done something wrong. On the other hand, if they stop professing their love for you, that may also mean something is going on. They may no longer be as emotionally attached to you as before because they’ve connected with another person.
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They miss scheduled talks. If your partner starts canceling on your regular chats or video calls, that may mean you are no longer a priority to them. It seems like they are busy with something – or someone – else.
They are hard to get a hold of. While it’s normal not always to be available to talk any time of the day, it’s reasonable for you to expect that they will respond to you at some point, after work, or once their classes end. If your partner can go for days without checking in on you despite your attempts to communicate, then there is a problem.
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They prefer that they contact you, and not the other way around. If your partner is cheating on you, they will try to control when, where, and how you communicate to avoid getting caught. One of the ways cheaters do this is by telling their partners that they’ll be the one to call when they’re available, often explaining that they’re just busy and hence do not know when they can find time to talk.
They respond to your questions defensively. People who are hiding something tend to overreact. If you ask a seemingly innocent question and your partner reacts to it negatively, then there’s something brewing. Their reaction could be either getting annoyed or angry with you or over-explaining themselves.
Changes in Lifestyle
When there’s something new in your life, your routine tends to change. If you get a pet, for instance, you have to adjust your schedule to be able to take care of it properly. If you move, you might have to take a different route to go to work and leave the house earlier than you used to. The same holds true if a person is cheating. Since they have someone new in their life, a lifestyle shift is inevitable. At first, the changes are subtle and minimal – longer hours at work, a new office tradition of going out on Wednesdays, and purchasing new clothes, among other things. But as the cheating progresses, the shift becomes more and more noticeable. Below are the warning signs that your long-distance lover could be hooking up with somebody else.
Their routine has changed. If they have been staying out and checking in on you later than usual for no apparent reason, something or someone must be keeping them busy. The same holds true if there are other changes in their routine that they’ve failed to mention to you. Such as regularly eating out for dinner instead of staying in, or checking in on you in the morning instead of your usual lunch break chats.
They are always busy. If they no longer make time for you for whatever reason, then there’s something wrong. Your significant other is almost always the most important person in your life, so no matter how hectic your schedule is, you will make an effort to spend quality time with them. If they are no longer your priority, that’s a problem, as it means they are not that important to you anymore.
There are new people in their life. There’s nothing wrong with your partner forming new connections. LDR’s are tough, and they need to surround themselves with supportive people. But, if these friends take up too much of their time to the point that they start neglecting you, or there’s no one else they’d rather talk about than their “new friend”, you have a valid reason to be suspicious.
They have new interests. If you’ve been with your partner for a while, you know what their hobbies and interests are. It’s okay to try new things sometimes, but if they seem to be a little too interested and invested in their new activity, that’s a cause for concern. It may be the case that their latest hobby is spending time with another person.
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There’s an obvious effort to look their best. As with the earlier points, there is nothing wrong if they’ve started to pay more attention to their appearance. In fact, that should be a welcome change. But if you feel like they’re putting in a little too much effort, they might be trying to impress somebody else. For example, spending a lot of money on new clothes or having cosmetic procedures done to look better.
Lack of Effort in Nurturing the Relationship
If you’re the only one who is making an effort to connect with your significant other, then it may be a sign that they are no longer interested in a future with you. Perhaps you’ve grown apart, or they already found someone new. Watch out for the following:
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They shoot down suggestions of a surprise visit. Naturally, if your partner is cheating on you, they wouldn’t want you popping by unannounced. If you talk about surprising them “one of these days” and they start asking for details of your arrival and telling you that it’s not a good time for them, they are definitely hiding something.
They no longer plan activities with you. Having someone new in your life is exciting and admittedly, time-consuming. There is a chance your partner is unfaithful to you if they cannot commit to activities that you propose the two of you do. And if they cannot be bothered to come up with things you can enjoy as a couple.
There are no talks about the future. The promise of being together in the future is what keeps most couples in a long-distance relationship going. If your partner no longer talks to you about certain topics, they cannot see themselves being in a relationship with you in the long run. These topics include: when you’ll be together for good, when you will start a family, where you’ll live, and everything else about sharing your future.
A Final Word
All the points above point to one thing: there’s a problem in your relationship if they apply to you. As mentioned earlier, your partner may be cheating, or maybe your relationship is at its end for other reasons. Before you jump into conclusions, try to investigate further. Then, talk to your partner about your situation. Even if you do confirm their infidelity, take the high ground, and don’t do anything you will regret in the future.