3 Failed Marriages = 30 Lessons Learned

Dealing with the anguish of failed marriages is something that takes a bit of time to come to terms with. It is really hard to believe that someone I once loved well enough to wed is now part of the source of sad feelings. The only upside to my story is that I learned these valuable things over the three tumultuous divorce periods I had gone through.

30. There is always room to make little adjustment for each other’s sake. A little more compromise and patience works both ways where each person has to make a personal sacrifice for the benefit of their lover.

29. Failed marriages have all the tell tale signs from the very beginning. My first partner had an annoying habit to always have his way in everything that was important to him. My opinion and preferences went many times unnoticed as he easily vetoed a judgment on any issue of contention. Some forethought at the initial courtship would have led me make a deserved early exit.

28. Prioritize your marriage. Make the marriage important for it to be able to survive the constant pressure. Secondary friendship and work commitments are best accorded their due precedence.

27. Marry the right person. Divorce follows when compatibility issues continually come up to disrupt the normal flow of affairs. These are deep seated and subsequently long lasting.

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26. Spend ample quality time during the courtship in order to get to know a person’s expectations pretty well. Rushed nuptials are often short lived.

25. Each party in failed marriages needs to take due responsibility for their part in the break up. It helps shed light onto the underlying issues.

24. Feel free to comfortably share innermost thoughts and experiences. It helps your partner better understand and respond to your needs.

23. Failed marriages do not necessarily mean the end of a healthy and supportive lifestyle. Take a bold step in another fulfilling encounter that is just as nourishing.

22. There are things that you do not want to hear but need to hear anyway in order to be a better person and lover. Always look out for these as they are life changing.

21. All failed marriages have their definitive moment when partners realize that they can no longer revert to what they had in the past. Knowing this point helps ease things greatly.

20. Divorcees have a second chance at a fulfilling relationship and need to take time off to recover from the past woes.

19. A relationship therapist helps one work through the maze of a difficult marriage. Local credible practitioners are useful resources.

18. Your happiness does not depend on another person. It is a personal decision to remain carefree and contended.

17. If you decide to move out of the marital home, pack only clothing and other essential supplies. Bulky things are best left behind.

16. Take things as they come while trying to stave off any frustration or apprehensive tendencies.

15. No one is perfect – acknowledge any wrongdoing and make up for it where you can.

14. Try not to make a person feel like they are taken for granted or even under-appreciated. It shortens the marriage fast.

13. Spending time apart does not in any way solve a marital dispute. Avoiding each other’s company by jam packing work schedules benefits no one and solves little in way of constructive dialog.

12. Hitting below the belt makes failed marriages irreversible. Backward and downright nasty paybacks further aggravate the interaction with the risk of taking things a little over the edge. Legal restraints from psychotic and abusive reasons are in the extreme and need to be avoided.

11. Growing together as a team. Today’s busy on-the-go schedules leave little time for shared tasks which both partners enjoy. Varying preferences have to be toned down to many similar objectives to promote closeness and memorable moments.

10. Transparency and openness. Being candid to one’s partner is a lifelong commitment that has to be worked on at every step of the way. Contrary to popular opinion it does not portray one as naive or stupid, just wise and trustworthy.

9. Acceptance. Unnecessary pressure on your partner unchangeable aspects and endowment brews more prospects of failed marriages. Accept and love on an as-is basis.

8. Focus less on money. Financial responsibility and status do not in themselves define the level of companionship two people foster around each other. High minded materialism will destroy intimacy between couples.

7. Always opt for love if the chance of reconciliation presents itself. We meet very special people with whom we form strong bonds as we are around them over time.

6. Take time outside your normal day to day game face and just be silly. This sounds incredulous and downright absurd while its result is the capacity to blow off negative steam.

5. Unrealistic judgment on prospective suitors. It is very easy to brand all men/ women as the same with basic faults that will always appear in the course of the relationship. Pessimistic views of men/ women in general have a detrimental impact when dealing with new suitors.

4. Facing the divorce alone is a bad idea. Support from close friends or a relative is important to regain an emotional balance that keeps loneliness and depression in check.

3. When angry keep the tone of voice down or simply just shut up! It may seem important to let your mind known openly at the spur of the moment but this only brings terrible war arsenal out that is kept as a grudge. Opting to remain silent actually helps. Some things we say can never be taken back.

2. Do not raise a communication barrier with your partner after a major fight. This only exacerbates the situation as it breaks down any chance of the two adults making meaningful communication for a fast amicable process. None of the individuals really has the last laugh as plenty of chaos and hurtful repressions linger on.

1. Failed marriages do not necessarily have to end in a tag of war with plenty of mudslinging. Taking up the issue in a calm collected manner with civility helps a person develop a better future relationship.