Emotional sensitivity is one of the main issues that men all around the world have to deal with every day. The every day exchange of emotions seems to take a larger toll on men, who, by their nature, are used to keeping to themselves; than on women, who are more used to nurturing and communicating. Being sensitive, a great quality otherwise, can interfere with your relationship in many negative ways. It can take the form of jealousy, mistrust or frustration, or it can make you cry when you watch a sappy movie; either way, sometimes you just need better control of your emotions. However, sensitivity is not something you can just strip away like a used band-aid. We each have own degree of emotional tolerance and express ourselves accordingly. Understanding that is essential in finding a solution. Modern psychologists, like doctor Elaine Aron tell us that the problem is not over-sensitivity itself, but rather our approach to it. In her book, “The highly sensitive person”, Dr. Aron says that “this trait is not a new discovery, but it has been misunderstood”, referring to the social response to sensitivity. There are a lot of roads you can take to clear up your emotional luggage, but they all boil down to a few core principles. Here are 8 easy steps than can help you reduce your emotional sensitivity:
1. Appreciate yourself
Most sensitive people gather a lot of insecurity on a day to day basis regarding their looks, performance, etc. Being more receptive to other peoples opinions often means being more vulnerable to them. The first step to being less sensitive is building confidence. You can start by doing something you’re good at or by creating a place on the wall to hang your accomplishments. Remind yourself of the great guy you are.
2. Exercise more
Stress build-ups affects your mood and emotional availability. A cranky day at work may ruin the perfect evening at home. Everyone needs to decompress once in a while. Exercise is a great way to scatter all that emotional pile up. A new study on mental health reveals that physical exercise can reduce the symptoms of depression and anxiety and improve our mental attitude.
3. Don’t get involved
Sensitive guys tend to neglect their own needs over their girlfriends. Well, don’t! She needs her space and you need your beer. Women expect us to be a little insensitive. So take advantage of the opportunity and go buy yourself that golf club you always wanted. Indulging yourself once in while may give you that extra-kick that you needed. Keeping yourself happy is the best way to keep your girlfriend happy.
4. Manage your reactions
All of us feel bad; what separates us is how we handle our emotions. Be aware of the fact that you are sensitive and manage your reactions. When talking with your partner, repeat what you are about to say in your head. This will give you time to revise and correct your sentences, avoiding possible mishaps. If you feel the need to lash out, postpone the conversation for another time when you can talk calmly.
5. Organize, organize, organize!
When you’re all tangled up in your emotions, the last thing you want is more problems stacking up. Our lives don’t wait up when we feel bad and we got to be prepared for it. Knowing the problem is half of the solution Start by organizing your day mentally in the morning. Visualize what you have to do. This way you know what to expect and will avoid “melting down” until you get home.
6. Be frank
We all need to keep secrets and we can’t just stop lying all of a sudden. Even so, a recent study published in the “U.S.A. Today” says that lying leads to feeling tense, headaches or even melancholia. Lying also creates tension and confusion between partners and can have serious ramifications in damaging a relationship. Not lying doesn’t mean sharing everything you do. You can avoid lying by talking to your spouse beforehand and setting up some personal boundaries. Make it clear that you have things you rather not say. Next time you need to get out of a situation, instead of lying, try deflecting the subject or being vague; just enough not to create the unnecessary tension.
7. Be positive to change
Women reinvent themselves all the time. This week is a new hair color, the next week she’s rearranging the living room. If you’re a little edgy about your personal space, this can be hell for you. Many men complain that they don’t know what women want, without realizing that it’s all about change. Women crave excitement; they like having new things in their lives. They are more dynamic than men in that way. The good news is that we can adapt easier than we think. You just need to go with it. Let her take the wheel when it comes to change if you don’t care much about it. Having a positive attitude towards change can really turn the tides in your love life.
8. Improve communication
We’re down to our last, and probably best, way to improve on your relationship:
Communication. Hyper-sensitive men have a problem in expressing what they feel to their loved ones. When we are overloaded with emotions, we become unsure of what we feel. This disorients your partner about your emotional status and can have harmful consequences. Good understanding is essential to every healthy relationship. When you discuss important matters with your partner, choose soothing environment and make sure you have plenty of time. When expressing yourself, be calm and certain of what you are saying so that she can understand how you feel.