It’s a fairly common question – “How many dates does it take to sleep with girl?”. There is really no clear cut answer as to how many dates it should take. However, there is a special little magic number of dates that – if done correctly – will not only result in sex but also leave open all of the different possibilities and options for a future relationship of some kind, whether it be regular but casual sex, a one-time thing, a back-up booty call or even a girlfriend.
As the title suggests, the magic number is in fact… two!
In this Quick Guide you will learn how to have Sex with her in 8 easy Steps:
Set up a date
Setting up a date is fairly simple. We’ll assume you’ve meet a cool girl, you had a good connection and you’ve been texting back and forth for a few days. If this is the case, she is most probably interested in you and as such setting up a date should be fairly simple. As the man, you must lead. This is your main responsibility. Do not ask if she wants to come out. Do not ask her what she wants to do. In fact, don’t even ask her when she is free. Drop a text that reads something like this:
“Howdy Emma, let’s go for an adventure and that coffee this tuesday afternoon”
The key is – suggest a day, suggest an activity and don’t ask questions. Keep it short and simple. You can vary this up, make it more specific to the girl and of course – write it in your own style! You can also offer up two possible day options, such as, “let’s do that drink this week. I’m free wednesday and possibly friday”. If she is keen to meet, she’ll agree or let you know when she is available. Adding an air of mystery and intrigue is also a good way to keep things fun and exciting, hence the “adventure” part. You can reveal what it is you are going to do, so long as you keep it playful. Now, she’s text back, it’s on… What next? What should you do?
If a girl has given you her number, text back and forth with you and agreed to a date, she’s attracted. What she wants to make sure of when going on the first date with you is that you are a normal, cool, friendly guy. She wants to know you aren’t a total weirdo, with no social intelligence or just plain awkward. Being normal, cool and friendly comes pretty naturally to most guys, but understanding that these traits are more than enough to hook up with attractive girls is less well understood. The main objective of the first date is to develop comfort with the girl. She will not sleep with you or meet you for a second date if she is not comfortable in your presence. If there is one thing that you take away from this article it is this: Developing comfort on the first date is vital to getting laid on the second.
We all have people we consider ourselves to be comfortable with – our friends first and foremost, as well as our family. You can tell when you are comfortable with someone during moments of silence. Is it an awkward silence with your friends or family? Almost never. This is because you are completely comfortable around each other. You don’t feel the pressure of silence and the need to try and break or avoid it, yet that is one of the biggest fears surrounding dates – the dreaded awkward silence. The second most important thing to take from this article is this: the key to quickly creating amazing comfort with a girl is to create comfortable silences. The question is; how? The key to answering this question lies in understanding why a silence might become awkward in the first place. Silences become awkward when the majority of the focus of an interaction is on the conversation. When you run out of things to say, there is no distraction, no hiding place. All of a sudden, you both feel that pressure to say something. On a conventional coffee date, for example, about 95% of the focus will be on each other and the conversation, with about 5% of the focus being on drinking the coffee. Silences mid-conversation are not natural or comfortable, unless you are talking to a close friend or family member. This is where the adventure date comes into play.
Imagine you are sat around a table in a restaurant with friends. Whilst you are all waiting for your food to arrive at the table, you are all happily talking, laughing and bantering away. At that time, 100% of the focus is on each other/the conversation. If it suddenly went silent, it would be weird as all the focus is still on each other. But notice what happens when the food arrives… Silence. Comfortable silence. Why? Because the the majority of the focus has now shifted to the food. Eating your meal has become 90% of your focus, with 10% being on the conversation. The silence during eating is completely natural, and therefore NOT awkward. This is why you should make your first date more adventurous than sitting in a cafe or bar and trying to maintain a conversation in fear of silence.
What you should do on a first date
Choose a date idea where the majority of the focus in not on you and the girl. Good examples include; the aquarium, bowling, ice-skating, museum, cycling in the park, boat ride, fun fair or even shopping. You can still talk on such a date, but the focus of the date is on the activity or display, which as well as generating natural, comfortable silences, also gives you things to talk about. You can still be playful – pretend you are going to push her over on the ice-skating rink, tell her that one of the fish in the aquarium looks like her or bet the first round of drinks that she can’t beat you at bowling. An ‘adventure’ date is – generally speaking – more fun, which means she’ll be drawn into the fun and positive energy you have helped to create and become even more attracted. It’s win win.
If the date is going brilliantly, then it doesn’t really matter how long it lasts. If you are short on time, be sure to go to a few different venues, as this gives a false perception of having spent more time together than what was actually spent (which helps develop comfort through familiarity). Whatever you do, don’t over escalate. It is not necessary at all to kiss or hold hands on a first date, so don’t pressurise yourself into trying to do these things. If it’s totally on to do so, by all means go for it. If you over escalate (even if you sleep with her), you risk blowing any chance of a second date or regular meet ups. Rather than going away really happy and keen to see you again, she’ll go away feeling a bit slutty or as if things went a bit too far. If all you want is a one-night stand, sleeping with her on the first date is fine. Conversely, if you end up waiting to have sex with the girl until after 3, 4 or 5 dates, then you are risking being put in the ‘boyfriend material’ category in her mind. Two dates is the perfect number as she won’t feel too slutty about things moving too quickly but neither will she think of it as the start of a monogamous relationship. In other words, you now have all available options from which to choose from.
Date Two: The Seductive Date
The first date was all about comfort. You developed comfort with the girl, you both had fun… But all the same, it probably feels a bit too friendly at this point, right? The second date is all about ramping things up, eventually to sex. It is important to set the frame and test the waters at the same time before the second date. Remember, this is going to be a much more intimate affair than the first date, hopefully resulting in sex. That means you’re going to be hitting the bars and pubs late in the evening. To set up the date, send a text message with something along the lines of:
“Hey! Saturday night… me, you, a few glasses of wine and some outrageous flirting ;)”
This ticks all the boxes. This message covers the date (saturday night), the activity (drinks) and sets the frame whilst demonstrating intent in a fun, light-hearted way (“outrageous flirting”). She knows this isn’t just a couple of drinks between friends, and as before, you are leading rather than asking for her permission, which demonstrates confidence.
Planning the Logistics
For any realistic chance of sex to occur, it is absolutely imperative that you have the logistics well planned in your head. The first thing you need to know in advance is; where am I going to do the deeds? Will it be yours or hers? It doesn’t really matter where it takes place, as long as you know for sure that going back to either yours or her place is a viable option. You then need to work out where you will go for drinks. Ideally, the last place you go to drink should be within walking distance from either yours or hers. You also want to be looking at going to at least two different venues – preferably venues that have very different vibes to them. It isn’t overly important, but starting off with a couple glasses of wine in a nice bar is a good way to set the scene. Holding a glass of wine, rather than a large, cumbersome pint of beer, can make a girl feel feminine, sexy and relaxed, and the atmosphere of a cool wine bar is naturally more seductive which leads itself to flirting and getting a little carried away. If possible, then head over to a pub and have a couple of pints. Pubs are a little more lively than swanky wine bars and will give a more energetic feel and vibe change later on in the night (you want to keep the mood and flow of energy rising as the night goes on, climaxing in sex). From this pub you should be able to walk back to yours or hers. That pretty much covers the logistics, but without planning how things are going to go down, you risk ruining an otherwise good-to-go date through poor preparation.
Prepare to get physical
As with the first date, it is crucial not to over escalate things too quickly. At some point, you hope to be getting physical and intimate with the girl, so you need to set a physical frame from the very beginning of the date. When you meet the girl, give her a little greeting hug and/or French style kiss on the cheek. This is a subtle demonstration to the girl that you are comfortable making physical contact, and will help her to relax knowing that you are prepared to lead (and as thus, remove responsibility from her with regards to taking charge, making decisions and escalating). When you sit to drink your drinks, it is best not to sit opposite each other as this can be a little confrontational and possibly awkward if conversation inevitably dries up a little. If a couch or lounge-style seating is available, take it. You both want to be next to each other and sitting as comfortably and as relaxed as possible. If a couch seat is not available, make sure you sit at least 90 degrees to the girl. This allows your legs to touch underneath the table, and facilitates other physical touch such as her playfully hitting you (something girls do when teased if they like you). These little physical touches are both good comfort builders and build sexual tension. If you spend the whole date sat opposite each other, this affords minimal opportunity for touching and contact meaning that any escalation could appear clunky and uncalibrated. Imagine not making any contact with the girl and then two hours later lunging across to kiss her? There has been nothing building up to that moment, making your move too much of a leap.
When in the venue, drink the same drinks as the girl. If she orders a glass of wine, do the same! These subtle mirroring techniques and commonalities help to develop rapport, comfort and connection, and it looks and feels more natural to be flirting over a glass of wine than it does a pint of lager! Drinking wine will also bring out her feminine energy, which will be important when escalating and leading.
Take the Lead
When it comes time to change venues, be the one to make the suggestion; “Ok drink up, we’re going to go to another bar”. A great way of upping the physical escalation in a romantic but not too over the top way is hand holding. When you leave the first venue, step a few paces in front of her and put out your hand. Don’t make a big deal of it, just simply offer it out. She’ll probably take it almost instinctively. From here, carry on talking as normal. This is important, as you don’t want to make any grand gestures or point out what you are doing. You want it to be as natural and comfortable as possible. There are a few other little tips you can use to escalate or to display leadership and attractive dominant qualities. When you get to the new venue, both go to the bar. Turn to her and say, “while I’m ordering the drinks, I have a very important job for you, but only if you’re up to it…?”. She’ll almost certainly agree without hesitation… “I need you to find us two good seats somewhere… Can you?”. You’re being playful but a little bossy at the same time. She’ll give you major man points for displaying such confidence and authority.
Before you leave the venue to go back to yours or hers, you want to go for the kiss. A good little trick to keep her waiting is to say something like, “I’m just popping to the toilet quickly, but I when I come back, I might try and kiss you!” with a cheeky smile and a wink. It will build anticipation and excitement in her and leave her guessing as to whether you will kiss her when you come back. Come back, kiss her, finish up your drinks and lead her out. Hold her hand as before and simply walk towards your resting place for the night. She may offer up some token resistance by asking, “where are we going?”. In her mind she knows exactly where you are both going, but wants you to remove all responsibility from her. Here you can answer with a silly suggestion, such as: “We’re going to Paris to see the Eiffel Tower!” or something equally as nonsensical.
Once you are back in the room, don’t rush! The key is always to not over escalate, but allow things to progress smoothly and gradually. Oh, and wrap up![sociallocker id=”838″]
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