You’re absolutely right Bohemius. It’s definitely much harder in a long term relationship. But the thing is that most people (including me a few years before) understand this wrong. The important part is how you define “to have you”. Of course she can have you, but she shouldn’t feel like she can have you no matter what she does! This means she should feel safe as long as she behaves nice and loyal. However as soon as she does something which is hurting you or the relationship, you have to react accordingly by freezing or dumping her. This way you are showing that you have enough self-respect. If you don’t do anything after she behaved badly, you are showing that you don’t have self respect so she won’t too. She will do it again and constantly loose attraction, because she “has you” no matter what she does.

– Sean Winn

once they know you are “done deal”, you are done.

The laid back attitude helps to keep them interested, mostly in the beginning. The hard part though, its when you are in a long term relationship. that’s were it gets reaaaaally tricky, because sometimes that activates her insecurities and an insecure girl is capable of many nasty things, from cheating to leaving you without any remorse, etc. I once read from mystery I think or Strauss, that you should never allow them to think that they have you, but trying doing that to a long term relationship..its almost impossible or even very negative..it normally just explode in your face.

Take care, Bohemius