Birth Order affects Relationships

[himage] Birth order is an extensively researched and controversial concept in the social science literature. According to many psychologists birth order is an important tool in shaping how the child will turn out as an adult. Most importantly, it determines how the child will see the world, how will he expect the world to treat him, how he will treat others.

The Only Child

The only child occupies a special position in the family. As the only one has no siblings to compete with, he/she always grasps parent’s attention. The only one has privilege of having all their parent’s care and hopes on their shoulders. The only children have serious problem i.e., they are habituated to being the center of attention (good or bad), this occasionally become hard to overcome later in life. Thus the only one tends to be: Mature for their age. Dominating. Ambitious. Demanding. Perfectionist. Diligent. Responsible. Conscientious. Stubborn. Leaders. Dependent.

The only born girl may be very demanding when she enters a relationship. She sometimes relies on her boyfriend or husband for directions. But most of the time only born girls try to take charge and make decisions regarding their relationship. While communicating with her boyfriend/husband, she may tend to put her content into his words and expect him to understand what she says without having to spell it out. This can lead to frustration and conflicts at interpersonal level. In these cases the potential of misunderstandings is unlimited. By paying close attention to her nonverbal communication, a boyfriend can orient himself to her. Unless he pays attention to her body language and non-verbal signals, this could be a difficult relationship for him.

Sometimes only born free expression of emotion can become irritating and unbearable in a relationship. When she relate to a person or an event, she may try to give all the details; this can cause frustration of the partner. She may set high standards for herself and for others, so that she may be perceived as critical or even controlling. She too finds suggestions as criticism. She feels jealous when her boyfriend/husband relate to others of the opposite sex. She may be impatient and not able to tolerate to wait until she gets what she wants. She may expect her relationship partner to take the same role of her primary care giver. Many times she will certainly become unsatisfied with the relationship when she is not treated like a child. Many only born girls act a lot like firstborns. Some of them tend to be responsible as well as mature. They may grow up more quickly both physically and psychologically than girls with siblings. The relationship partner must figure out whether she’s more like an autocratic first born or a pampered last born, this will help him maintain proper balance in the relationship. When one is in a relationship with the only born girl, he can make his own birth order working for their relationship.

First Born Child

The first born male can make himself have high standards and expectations from his relationship without being a perfectionist. He must understand that the female cannot fully adhere to the same standards that he set for himself. Instead, he must try loosening up a bit. He must feel pride in being responsible for himself and his lady. She may be sensitive or dependable and have tendency to proceed slowly in relationship but one must not forget that she will always be ready to sacrifice for him. One must not angry with her if she made a wrong decision, but admits that sometimes he too is wrong.

The Middle Child

Many times middle born compares himself with others. For example, comparing a friend and his girlfriend enjoying a nice relationship with his own relationship. This sometimes makes him irritable, jealous or angry. So, one must rejoice 3 in being himself and become contended with what he has in life. By appreciating the uniqueness of his relationship, he can enjoy it fully. There is never a better time than now to start this appreciation. As she is sensitive, one can just feel comfortable and secure in sharing his thoughts and feeling with her. One should find ways to express his freedom responsibly in his work and relationships. He needs not to be in a relationship with every one, she is the one who needs his special attention, time and care.

The Youngest Child

When a last born is in a relationship with only born female, he needs to understand that instead of expecting her to take charge or blaming her when things go wrong, he must explore how it feels to accept complete responsibility for things, not only with major decisions but with the smaller chores of daily living. If the last born male is elder than her, she will prove herself a good communicator, since she lived alone with her parents for so long; therefore, she would already had lots of practice at being in relationships with adults. If he is older than her, then perfectionism is the major trait she would watch out for. Many times, last born try to be the center of attention, so he can be asked to try sharing center stage with her girlfriend or wife.